So I pledged to chronicle the good, the bad, and the ugly regarding my France prep, because I don’t want to gloss over the very real obstacles I know I’m going to have in this project as a scatter-brained, oft-distracted, rabbit-hole-attracted ADHD poster child who’s only 18 months into both understanding the brain I’m dealing with and subsequently experimenting with and adopting the systems and habits that will work for vs against myself in accomplishing what I need to do. There will already for sure be plenty of logistical and bureaucratic challenges associated with this relocation which will likely be harder than if I were a “normie”, but what I’ve been most concerned about (and therefore padded my timeline to account for), are my innate psychological/mental challenges.

Especially since it’s not just ADHD that I’m tussling with; it’s depression too. My depression IS something I’ve been aware of and have been treated for for a few decades now. And interestingly, the ADHD meds, which improve my dopamine levels, have since enabled me to reduce the dosage of my seratonin-improving depression meds (all under a doctor’s care, I should clearly state), and it seems that at least some (but definitely not ALL) of the symptoms leading to my 1990’s-era depression diagnosis may have actually been more closely associated with the yet-to-be-diagnosed ADHD.

But the bottom line is, I have both, and they sometimes tag-team me in the battles of task-initiation (or completion!), remembering where I put [insert the name of literally anything one needs during the course of a day], or in today’s case, even being able to get out of bed.

I wasn’t feeling particularly sad; in fact, over these last few weeks of my retirement I have been feeling so happy to experience life outside office walls, and have been so unbelievably grateful to have this chance to live life on my own terms and schedule. But clearly, my body and mind are still depleted of critical nutritional fuels as well as the workarounds I still need to build into muscle memory, in order to conquer the little devils on my shoulders who are always scheming to seduce me into sleeping the day away.

So when I finally became vertical today (thanks only to my suffering bladder), I at least threw together a healthy (and very helpful) breakfast, thanks to the recipes and coaching of my awesome nutritionist, and completed some of the “homework” assignments from a great book I’ve been reading, in order to have my list of hacks and resources more at the ready for next time. Because there is zero chance I will just remember what I’m supposed to do to get out of these funks. If you know, you know.

In summary, my intention has been to prioritize my physical and mental health for the next few months, so that neither will continue to have as much of a negative impact on either my long-term life plans (whether in France or even while I’m still here in ‘Murica getting all the needed ducks in a row) OR my ability to merely seize a single f’ing day. Am hoping to O Captain My Captain the shit out of this very frustrating part of my life once and for all!